Hide and Seek
mtan@theguidon.com
Friends know me as the “girl with the great wall”. Having been raised in a predominantly Chinese family, my parents have always demanded certain limitations when it comes to choosing a partner. Apart from the usual things that the elders call for (read: a decent personality), I have been imposed to live in a rule of entertaining “people from the same race”.
Various people have thrown attacks on my so-called rule. A friend commented that we shouldn’t be living in the Philippines if all we ever want to be with are our fellow Chinese. Another said that no such boundaries should occur, given how we are living in such a borderless world now. At the end of the day, their message becomes clear to me: it is a form of racial discrimination.
Even as I have learned to abide by this rule, I feel for the many sentiments that circulate on what may seem to be something so trivial. Notwithstanding the presence of families who have been loosening up in terms of letting go of their cultural roots, many Chinese families like mine still stick by what they believe in. Although I have resorted to clinging on to this rule for almost two decades now, I see the validity of breaking the great wall.
Point number one: This rule reminds me of a discussion in my Ph101 class, where my professor related the concept of tradition in the similarly “closed marriages” of the people from Kalinga. People from this cultural group marry their kind, in order to keep their culture intact. The same thing can be said true for the Chinese. I remember someone telling me that I should marry a Fookien-speaking Chinese so that his linguistic ability would supplement mine, and in turn, be taught to our future children. However, in this sense, we are, limiting the knowledge of our language when some people may actually make better use of it.
Point number two: I think of the imposition within a bigger picture: how in its very sense, it simply is just one of the many forms of discrimination that we face. I find this the same as when people from the upper class refrain from mingling with those who are not “one of them”. While we may only see it in the soap opera, there is actually a concretization in reality. People from the upper class veer away from the so-called poor, judging them as being advantageous of the former’s wealth. Based on the two observations, we tend to take our prejudice on people based on their racial status and social class.
Point number three: With today’s growing concerns on open-mindedness and being “global” towards each other, restrictions such as the great wall may seem too old-fashioned. Although idealism still prevails in the families who still want to have an all Chinese clan, it seems too farfetched to have this goal fulfilled. With the prevalence of various avenues where one can choose a partner, I feel that such a limitation has served as a threat more than as a guiding principle.
While culture and tradition may dictate the choices we make, most especially in our innermost sphere, we may as well be called to take the other route, given what we have now. That is, learn how to choose which of those we follow and be kept in hand, while learning how to let go of the customs that may have to change in time.
