Actress Nadine Lustre recently garnered criticism after being asked if she and her boyfriend James Reid were living together. In reply, she said, “If that was true, so what? ‘Di ba? It’s not new anymore…It’s normal na, eh, come on guys, it’s 2017.”
Asked again to give a definite answer, she said, “I’m not [going to] confirm, and I’m not [going to] deny. But then like, ano naman? Let’s all just be open-minded.”
While some fans assured Lustre that people had no business in prying into her personal life, others called her a “disappointment” when it comes to presenting a good image to her young fans.
In response, blogger Anna Cosio presented sociological studies that insisted cohabitation leads to unhappiness. She cited statistics that said women are more prone to depression or assault when they choose to cohabitate. “It’s 2017 and by now we already have decades’ worth of studies proving time and again that cohabitation is not a recipe for happiness,” she said.
Meanwhile, Christian blogger Jade Libelo criticized Lustre’s statement by gently arguing that making cohabitation a “dry run” for marriage boils down to selfishness.
But then again, there is a definite reason why Lustre chose to avoid answering the question directly. And like the question itself, it’s none of our business.
It’s wrong to equate the choice of cohabitation with the fear of commitment in all cases. Every relationship is unique, and it would be ignorant to assume the circumstances of one just because of studies, or the first words of an answer to a discomforting question.
This is not an endorsement for cohabitation. Rather, this is a call to respect the private decisions of others without their respective stigmas, especially when it comes to women. For all we know, there is also a chance that Lustre might have used the reason of cohabitation being “normal” because she was afraid to deviate from what is socially accepted.
Cohabitation may not be a recipe for happiness in all cases, but neither is marriage. Instead of focusing if a couple is living together before marriage, what should be looked at are their level of maturity, practical stability, and most importantly, the presence of healthy love. These are things that strangers have no place to meddle with.
For those of us who are Catholic, some of us may stay firm in our stand on marriage. This, nonetheless, does not grant us the license to judge others who will differ.
However, we cannot deny the wrong in Lustre’s choice of language which implies things are always okay as long as they have evolved to be “normal.” As a public figure, she has the responsibility to articulate her thoughts well.
Given the rise of secularism and the slow breakaway from conservative values in our culture, we are called now more than ever to be open-minded about social practices. Some may not agree that Lustre’s fans should look up to her for engaging in cohabitation, but they can at least admire her courage to draw the line between her personal life and her public image.
Every woman has the right to her own decisions for her personal life, whether or not some people think they are scandalous, and in whatever point in time. Yes, it is 2017, but respecting a woman’s choices for her own happiness is timeless.
