I ALWAYS lauded the romantics. Whether they are a hopeful or an unrequited lover, I swoon and sigh at those who felt in their beings to be entirely consumed and devoted to finding love. What could prepare someone for their egos to be crushed, their sensibilities wiped senseless, their soul swelling in every heartbeat, and their fear awaiting them at every turn as they wait for a sign, a call, a plea to be recognized for who they are?

We fail to acknowledge the great lengths and pain that follow on this frightful journey, but we allow fate to change us to the unknown. It is not a ruthless curse of a fool, but the greatest gift to be born with a courageous heart.

I admit, I was not born with this gift. I threaded my waking days with an idle brain, with love remaining a stranger that refuses my company. A dark guest resided in my mind’s chambers, shunning out the light. I became comfortable with the constant bickering of my self-doubts—my lack of worth, my loss of self, and my self-disdain.

I lauded over the romantics, envying them for possessing what I could only dream of. For so long, I lived in a body built with tight gears and metal plates, where a hollow void consumed my every waking moment.

Guilt clings to me, tugging at the seams of my shirt. I cannot escape from the weight of my failures—my inability to reach my own expectations, let alone those of others. I was reminded of the people I have wronged, thinking of their happiness once pure now stolen by me.

I was covered by the stains of my imperfections, unable to believe that anyone could accept me for the hurt I’ve caused. I abandoned my own happiness and the little joys that I could measly scrap. I convinced myself I had no love left to bring forward because I only seemed to end up hurting the people I held dear.

The hurt stayed. But then, someone saw me in my entirety and blessed me with the words, “You are deserving and capable of loving.”

I wouldn’t know where I would be without those words. I had sought for the forgiveness of others, but now I see the need to forgive myself. After living through years with a heavy heart, what an amazement it feels to be recognized as someone capable of love. I was a victim to my burdens, but in the end, it is love that arose victorious from the years of bloodshed and self-inflicted battles.

Recounting the years of heavy baggage, I realized what our hearts truly seek is to sever our enduring pain and to obtain the freedom to love greater than the depths of the unknown. I hope in everyone’s lives, they are reminded of the glory of loving someone that once was, even if that someone is themselves.

Don’t let the hurt and suffering forget what was wonderful, but allow the bravery of self-forgiveness to liberate you to forge a true and impenetrable self. The first step to love is to believe you are fully capable of it.

After all, you are made with the same components as the cosmos. What makes one doubt that you lack the capacity to love? The body will eventually decay, but the love in you is immortal.

Reianne is a Communications Technology Management junior who enjoys immersing herself in creative, artistic projects. With a passion for project management and marketing, she integrates her affinities to leverage The GUIDON’s training seminars and special events.

Editor’s Note: The views and opinions expressed by the opinion writer do not necessarily state or reflect those of the publication.