IF THERE were any fictional character that I could relate to right now, it would be Hiiromachi Station Smile Mart employee Keiko Furukura from Sayaka Murata’s novel, Convenience Store Woman.

One may wonder, “What would the similarity be between a Japanese convenience store worker and a Filipino college junior?”

Simple—we both feel like a mere cog in society. There’s nothing special about us, and we’re doomed to become unremarkable members of society and of the corporate world if we don’t try to stand out.

I don’t want to end up mediocre, though. The crippling fear of ending up with a normal desk job—or even being unemployed—is my driving force to try and get ahead in the workplace. The only thing that can help with that is if I start getting work experience, be it unpaid internships or part-time jobs. This is the reason why I’m always on the lookout in Facebook groups like Ateneo Jobs and Internships. I scramble to send in applications to reputable employers in the hopes that landing a job with these recognized names will help propel me into the big leagues.

I’ve been successful for the most part. I’m currently a proud intern and part-timer at a couple of respectable agencies and companies. Now, my days are jam-packed with academics, extracurricular activities, and work.

Day in and day out, I’m bound to do the same exact routine. Wake up, finish my work and academic deliverables, then sleep. Mealtimes are my only time to rest. It gets overwhelming for the most part, and sometimes I wish that this madness would be over soon. However, I can’t help but feel like I’m bound to repeat the cycle—subjecting myself to look for more internships after my contract expires and the semester ends.

I’ve tried to take a breather by refraining from actively seeking internships—believe me. I just feel like if I stopped to rest, if I stopped chasing internships and work opportunities, I would get left behind.

It’s not easy to look away when I hop on LinkedIn and I see my friends and batchmates bag one work opportunity after another. It’s no surprise, though. Reports say that Gen Z’s number-one worry is their future career path, so it’s understandable that every twenty-something is trying to grab every opportunity that comes their way to secure a better future in this ruthless corporate landscape.

I’m only in my third year of college, but, at this rate, I feel like my time’s already running out. A good number of people around me have already achieved so much in very little time, so why is it that I can’t do the same? Is there something wrong with me? 

I am plagued every night by the thought that by the time I gain enough knowledge and skills to join the big leagues, there will be no seat left at the table for me.

I still feel anxious about this early-stage, cutthroat job hunt, but I remind myself from time to time that I can take it slow. It’s not going to be the end of the world if I set my own pace and only take what I can handle at the moment. I shouldn’t have to give up my “me” time for work opportunities that I can do later on in life. When I feel ready, I’ll get to where I want to be. I’ll find an empty seat at the table of all these well-known companies that I would love to be a part of.

If not, then so be it. I’ll make my own table.