As the 2022 elections bring political tensions within Filipino households, rooms at home feel much smaller and families begin to feel less and less familiar.
HEATED POLITICAL discourse stretches into Filipino homes. Within the room’s four walls is a battleground for the intergenerational warfare that reigns among ideologies of family members. With the clock ticking down to the 2022 elections, political polarization is inflaming on the domestic scale just as it is nationally.
Ties may begin to fray and tensions may start to grow under roofs where ideals clash as the election season draws near. In light of these quarrels, two students share stories of political exchanges over their family dinner tables.
Thicker than water
Gary* (4 BS ME) first noticed the chipping of the paint on his familial relationships with the filing of certificates of candidacy in October. After expressing his support for a certain candidate, he sensed his parents’ unease.
Noticing his parents’ objection to his pick, Gary attempted to explain his choice only to receive more contempt. “I would say their surprise wasn’t really [shock]… they’re just not comfortable with my preferences,” he said.
Psychology sophomore at Assumption College Bea* reveals that her first encounter with political friction in the family occurred in 2017. As she previously shared their support of a certain former president, Bea was met with her parents’ shock when she started sharing posts exposing their faults. “It’s a disbelief for them that I don’t share the same political views as them anymore,” she says.
Despite the differing contexts of their familial discords, both individuals felt that the chasms in their relationships widened like never before. “Usually, they bring up politics at the dinner table. So for me, it’s kind of hard to sit through… it’s so painful to listen to them,” Bea remarks.
Gary acknowledges that a contrast of community influence, affinity, and belief largely color their political gap. “I think they just have a different world and different sources of information from me altogether,” he points out.
While both of them describe a close-knit relationship within the family, continuous political disagreements have diminished their openness towards their loved ones. This has prompted Bea to request her parents not to discuss politics while she is around, whereas Gary refrains from openly expressing support for his bets to keep the peace within their homes.
The big elephant in the room remains, and it has left both Bea and Gary disheartened and discouraged from attempting to reconcile their political beliefs.
Nevertheless, a glimmer of hope remains that harmony will one day return to their respective homes. “I think a part of me still hopes that someday, I can have another civilized discourse with them and hopefully—little by little—change their minds,” Bea concludes.
Professional perceptions
Navigating family life with political differences can be a much more difficult endeavor during a pandemic. Conflict can seem inescapable, given that physical space cannot separate family members when arguments arise.
According to registered guidance counselor for students and families Arminda Muga, individual experiences can explain why differing political views exist in a household despite the kinship.
“While family members may have common experiences, [parents] may also bring with them their beliefs from their family of origin. Family members may also be exposed to the realities in their community that they realize they value most,” she explains.
Muga adds that these learned values act as a compass for individual discernment on political issues which lead to varied and opposing stances among family members.
Conflicting viewpoints may seem natural within the household, but it could pose deeper implications on the individuals within. Marilou Borje, guidance counselor at the Loyola Schools Office for Guidance and Counseling (LSOGC), explains that these conflicts could deeply affect familial wellbeing and relationships.
She furthers that disagreements without hearing the other party could lead to resentment and invalidation, and it reinforces feelings of depression. In some family dynamics, these feuds also magnify the power imbalance between parties in strife. This could eventually spark feelings of anxiety, as Muga notices that speaking out in some homes may lead to a deprivation of needs such as food or their allowance.
In response to political conflict, both counselors emphasize the need for empathy and respect amid standing by one’s truth. Intelligent discourse and constant engagement even beyond politics could help resolve arguments, especially if respect is maintained between parties.
Borje suggests that in lieu of emotionally charged exchanges and comparison to other candidates, one could instead speak of their own candidates’ platform and achievements and stand for their truths alone. Even when faced with misinformation, she maintains that respectful discourse without appearing dismissive of the other party is most effective when handling conflicts.
Apart from conflict resolution, Borje and Muga reinforce that awareness of one’s limits when it comes to political discussions is essential to self-care and self-regulation. Hence, knowing when to disengage and take care of one’s emotional wellbeing can aid greatly when faced with disagreement.
Heads and tails
Political disagreement among family members may seem unavoidable at times and, if left unchecked, could amplify negative emotions and harm one’s mental well-being.
However, disagreements do not have to end this way. Past the facade of politics and the stress caused by the pandemic are loved ones who are also striving for a better life and a better future.
Despite the conflicts, Muga encourages everyone to remain hopeful and continue caring for family members who may have different political views. After all, resolving these disagreements can take one step at a time.
“What is essential is buried with what is urgent… Times are difficult and it takes choosing to be hopeful for us not to go to the direction of despair and even apathy,” Muga concludes.
*Editor’s Note: The names of the interviewees have been changed at their request in order to protect their identity and privacy.
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