MY COLLEGE life is coming to a close, and I am still stuck at home with little hope of being able to return to the campus. To be a so-called student-athlete during these times without actually being an athlete is a pain that has sunk in rather deep in my final year at the Ateneo.

I’ve been an athlete almost my entire life. As a kid up until the end of my high school days, I was a football player with very high ambitions. In college, however, I shifted to the sport Track and Field because of a scholarship offer. I grew to love the sport. As with football, I also built up goals for how I wanted my seasons to play out.

My Track and Field career was very lackluster, to say the least. The first time I actually competed for the sport was in my senior year at high school wherein I won five medals at the University Athletic Association of the Philippines (UAAP). But coming into college was a different story.

My first year at Ateneo, I pulled my hamstring and was not able to compete in my debut season. In my second year, I ran the 200m and finished fourth place but got cramps afterwards—rendering me unable to compete for the remainder of the UAAP.

Coming into my third year, I was set and ready for my redemption UAAP season scheduled for the second semester. However, as none of us expected, COVID-19 destroyed any hopes for a Track and Field competition.

When the pandemic began, I wasn’t as worried about missing one season because I was aware that I would have two more opportunities. Now that I am in my fifth and final year—with the virus still in existence—it looks like I will not be able to get any opportunities at all.

For athletes, COVID-19 took away opportunities that exist only once in a lifetime. Hundreds of competitors dedicated themselves to be able to perform and represent their universities, yet it seems that it has gone to nought with the stagnant nature of the lockdown.

The only training that I get at the moment are very minimal synchronous online team workouts which don’t even compare to on-campus training. For me to be able to get anything adequate in terms of exercise, I am forced to do my own workouts. These routines require a form of self-discipline that isn’t usually thought of when training in a regular setting.

Personal workouts provide the benefits of still being active while at home. However, it remains underwhelming due to the fact that I am limited with space and equipment. My cardio has been on a decline because I have not been able to run for months. 

This is not a situation any athlete would want to be in.

As of writing, there is still a sliver of a chance that UAAP may happen in the coming semester. Nonetheless, I cannot lie and say that I am hopeful for a proper season because there are still no signs of any competitions in the near future.

All that I am hopeful for in terms of athletics is the possibility of competing after graduating. Most student-athletes stop competing after varsity life because they end up moving on with their lives, and a career in sports is not something sought after. In my case, I feel as if I have undealt business. To abruptly move on from competing just doesn’t sit right with me.

In times like these, the struggles of athletes aren’t particularly looked at. My experience is just a glimpse into the crisis of being a stagnant athlete under the pandemic. Finding ways to cope can be a tough task given that there isn’t much that can replace the camaraderie, triumphs, and sorrows felt during competition. Missing a season is equivalent to heartbreak for some.

It is important for such athletes to feel understood as they continue to endure what the pandemic has taken away from them. Many remain facing these challenges behind closed doors. This piece is for student-athletes to feel heard, especially those who are graduating or have already graduated without being able to compete for their school one last time.

To my fellow athletes, your feelings of despair and desolation as we remain in lockdown are strong and valid; they display the authentic passion for your sport and university. And to my rivals in athletics: May we meet again on the track.