TIME AND again, stories of love and romance that have endured are celebrated with so much fondness and passion. This is especially the case during Valentine’s, with tales of couples and lasting relationships told once again—and what love story is better than those of college sweethearts who managed to take their relationship beyond their universities and into marriage?
In an effort to understand what could be the “secret” to the longevity of these relationships, The GUIDON looks to two couples’ Ateneo love stories through the lens of Gary Chapman’s five love languages. Chapman outlines specific “languages” that, when understood and practiced, can supposedly help couples “learn to identify the root of [their] conflicts, give and receive love in more meaningful ways, and grow closer than ever.”
These five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Based on personal preference and priorities, people are bound to have different languages. Translating these languages into action could then possibly unearth how certain loves outlive time.
Of service and presents: Jeff and Keslie Ferrer
Jeff Ferrer (BS CTM 2008) recalls the time he met his wife Keslie (BS CTM 2008) as a moment that did not start out quite like the meet-cutes one would see in the movies. In fact, it took them two years after their first meeting to have another substantial encounter. Jeff recalls how they first met in their freshman year during Keslie’s block Christmas party back in 2004. While they didn’t pay much heed to each other then, they met again two years later after being put in the same group for their theology immersion.
“We actually weren’t close. We just knew each other as coursemates. [Then], after the immersion, our group became close,” Ferrer recalls.
A few drinks and dinner dates away from their immersion group, they finally became an official couple in the first semester of their fourth year. They spent 10 years together as a couple before getting married in September 2019.
After the long time that they have been with each other, Ferrer mentions the importance of recognizing both his and his wife’s love languages.
“My wife is the type to give gifts, especially during anniversaries and birthdays. The most basic thing is a letter. That’s always been her thing. Every so often, there are also small valuable gifts, like a watch or so,” he says.
His love language, on the other hand, is acts of service.Ferrer shares that he shows love to his wife by being there when his wife needs him to be; this may take the form of driving for her or being present during family gatherings.
Their familiarity with each others’ love languages has greatly benefited their relationship as it made them understand the concept of give and take. Showing affection through their love languages was instinctive, but they knew they had to show affection through the love language of their partner as well.
“I understood from the very beginning that she might not appreciate the kind of service and time I give,” Ferrer says. “Even if I’m not the best guy to give gifts, I ensure I still give them.”
Keslie, on the other hand, knows how challenging it is for Jeff to be away from his family. For this reason, she does acts of service by making it a point to consider him when it comes to deciding which side of the family they will be celebrating the holidays with.
However, there are no perfect relationships. Despite their understanding of each others’ love languages, Jeff and Kelsie still have misunderstandings. When asked about how they handle this friction, Ferrer simply says that “It’s a matter of compromise.”
Aside from this, Jeff also shares other factors that helped the longevity of their relationship. “In order to make a relationship strong, you have to remember four things: Love, respect, fidelity, and romance,” he says.
Among all these, he claims that fidelity is the most non-negotiable. “When you [have] committed yourself to a person, that’s it,” he asserts.
Today, Jeff and Kelsie work as a lawyer and a digital marketing specialist, respectively, with bonds tighter and stronger than ever despite their busy schedules.
More than words and time: Hermund and Victoria Rosales
There are also some romances that start as early as high school and survive the waves of college. By 2008, the halls of Ateneo witnessed the enduring relationship of Victoria (AB COM 2008) and Hermund Rosales (BS CH-MSE 2008).
“Lagi naming sinasabi na pinalaki namin ang isa’t isa (We always say that we saw each other grow up),” Victoria recalls as she rewinds to memories of 20 years ago when everything began. “Hermund and I met in fourth grade when I transferred to his school. He said he already had a crush on me—along with two other girls in class—while I was busy swooning over another classmate.”
She gradually began to notice him in fifth grade, and the attraction grew throughout high school. Eventually, as high school juniors, both of them confessed and finally became an official couple.
The couple continued to hold each other’s hands and walk alongside each other into the unfamiliar pavements of college. 12 years after their third year of high school, rings and vows finally sealed their relationship.
When asked about her husband, she says, “I always say that Hermund is the reason why we’ve lasted this long. He is the most considerate, most hardworking person, with the biggest heart I know.”
She shares that compromise played a big role in their relationship, as “meeting halfway” made it possible. “I know that I can never compare to him, but I constantly try to become better. I try to be better in understanding, better in cooking, and better in being his loudest cheerleader,” she says.
The constant pursuit of wanting to be better for each other allowed Hermund and Victoria to find their natural rhythm in the relationship.
Quality time, no matter the duration, sets an important part of their day, especially for Hermund. “Prior to getting married, [my husband] has already made it a point to bring me to work and pick me up although his job is just as demanding. He’d come to the office so we could have a quick dinner and would wait for me to finish my shift even if it meant waiting for hours,” she mentions.
Victorias goes on about how exchanged words of affirmation keep their well-being in check. “We always ask how the other person is, encourage each other, laugh our worries away, and constantly say ‘I love you’. We make each other know that no matter what, we have each other’s back,” she says.
On the other hand, physical touch is the primary way that Victoria communicates affection to her husband: “I still make sure to hold his hand, have his arm over my shoulder, lean on him, and hug.”
If there is any takeaway on the endurance of their relationship, it is that time and words can make all the difference. Rosales says, “It has made me love him more and knowing how selfless he is makes me want to give him my best.” Apart from that, she also recognizes that trust, respect, honesty, and one’s “me time” adds to the holistic development of a relationship.
To have and to hold
Ms. Maria Elisa Borja, Ph.D., a professor of Theology 131 on marriage, affirms that Gary Chapman’s perspective on individuals having a primary love language is one that makes any spouse-to-spouse rapport more felt and delivered to the other. She mentions that, “when spoken, [it] makes him or her feel most loved.” This saves the relationship from frustrations and complaints that “the other isn’t loving them enough in a certain way,” since both are striving to speak in the other’s yearned love language. Thus, making marriages more fulfilling and lasting.
It is no wonder then, that the stories of Jeff and Keslie Ferrer, as well as Hermund and Victoria Rosales graced through college and the real world. Both journeys shared themes of knowing and showing what love languages work for them, even if it meant more effort at times. In this case, Borja mentions, “this reflects an even greater expression of love.”
These stories are a testament that lasting love exists, and the recognition of a partner’s love language is only one of the many ways this is made possible. In the end, these couples show that with effort and genuine care, spending one’s lifetime with someone is indeed possible, making happy-ever-afters within sight and reach.
