I, like many seniors, had my last semester of college all planned out. It was about making the most of the little time we had left: Taking longer walks around campus, enjoying spontaneous nights with friends, and savoring the small moments instead of rushing to the next school requirement. As cliché as it sounds, I wanted to end college by making memories to last a lifetime.

The last month has proven to be memorable, but for different reasons. The abrupt end to the semester has left us graduating seniors spending our last month in college locked in our homes. Alongside this came the cancellation of countless events, tournaments, and get-togethers—the things that define the college experience for many. College, in its Zoom-filled form, is far from the same.

And before you bring out the pitchforks, I want to emphasize that these cancellations are obviously for the better. Staying at home flattens the curve, keeping us, and everyone we come in contact with, out of hospitals that are already struggling to keep up with the fast-spreading virus. The suspension of the semester and all activities is undeniably necessary amid the pandemic. 

At the same time, it’s also important to allow ourselves to mourn when these seemingly unimportant things are called off. You can care about the life-altering, big-picture effects of COVID-19 and also be down in the dumps when significant moments are cut short.

For us graduating seniors, a big part of this sadness comes from the fact that we can no longer end college on our own terms—or at the very least, in the manner that we had expected. There will be no send-offs, no blue roses to be given, and no Pabaon speeches to be heard. A few months ago, it was unfathomable to think that something as significant as our college graduation would be cancelled. Now? It’s a very—and perhaps the most—likely outcome.

For a while, there was the possibility that if things got better, we could have returned to school with a week’s worth of regular classes left. All those treasured “lasts”—the last study session, last late night along Katip, last listen of the 10-minute bell —were still on the table. In a world that seemed to get crazier by the day, a little taste of normalcy is all we could have hoped for.

But as the weeks progressed, it quickly became apparent that our final college days were to unfold in front of a laptop screen. We didn’t know it at the time, but Monday, March 9, would be our last day on campus as college students. 

It’s impossible to process these complicated feelings in the midst of all that is going on. Perhaps when things settle down, we can finally step back and try to make sense of the sadness, nostalgia, and anger that many of us feel. But right now, maybe all we can do is savor the company of our schoolmates in the few weeks we can still call them as such, even in the little ways possible.

For as much as college was about the campus, org events, and classes, it is the people—many of whom may drift away from us once “real life” begins–who truly characterize the college experience. College didn’t end the way we thought it would, but at least, for the last time in our lives, we’re going through these tough times together.