Masquerade
smawis@theguidon.com

During my seventh birthday party, I remember one of my family’s acquaintances approaching me. With a sincere grin and a twinkle in his eyes, he gave me a red jacket and happily told my parents how fast I was growing.

A few years later, I gave away my favorite jacket, small but still very red at that time. Even if I knew that it didn’t fit me anymore, I had a difficult time parting with it because it was what I always looked for in a jacket: simple but bright-looking, classy yet still comfortable to wear.

A few years after that, our acquaintance gave up on his life. He shot himself one lonely night. Although I’m not saying that he easily decided on ending his life in the same way I gave away my jacket, he thought of giving up on his life probably because, just like my jacket, he felt that his life didn’t fit him anymore. For him, maybe it was no longer as bright and simple enough to be worth living.

This person is one of the many victims that got stuck in the deep, dark world of suicide. Just like him, these people ended their lives, some because they couldn’t put up anymore with their personal drawbacks in life, others because of depression, substance abuse and certain mental disorders.

According to the World Health Organization, there were already an estimated number of 1,000,000 suicide victims by the year 2000. It is also one of the three leading causes of death among both males and females, aged between 15 and 44 years. In the Philippines alone, although its rates are not as high as those in the other countries, the number of people committing suicide tripled, from 1960 to 1993, with more males committing suicide than females.

Suicide, however, isn’t only about the number of lives it takes or the methods its victims used. It is also about the families and friends they leave behind, questions like, “Bakit niya ito ginawa?” that they leave forever unanswered.

We should not judge its victims as too desperate and too weak to deal with their lives. We shouldn’t face the aftermath of their deaths with shame over what they did and anger because they left us clueless.

Hard as this may seem, we should also try to be strong enough to face this reality rather than hide it like a taboo. After my acquaintance’s death, his father appeared to be filled with shame as he announced to his associates and friends that his son died of a heart ailment instead – the same kind of shame that could have caused my acquaintance to be devastated.

Suicide will never be the answer to our problems. It’s not always easy to see but, as we give up on ourselves, we create more questions for the people around us to resolve. During that person’s funeral, the people there were depressed and listless – consumed with thoughts of how they would continue with their lives now that he is gone and how they could have helped him when he was still alive.

It is not only these problems that define our lives. It’s also about the blessings that were given. It’s about holding on to our red jackets and accepting that they will not always fit us the way we expect them to be.