Trigger warning: This article contains mentions of mental health issues and symptoms.

I USED to take great pride in my ability to predict the future, relying not on tarot cards or superstitions, but merely on keen intuition. There was always a whisper at the back of my mind, guiding me to meticulously map out plans for every possible life scenario, from Plan A to Plan Z.

This mindset seeped into even the smallest things, casting its shadow over every aspect of my life. Watching films and shows had lost its charm; the idea of excessive dramatic twists and turns manipulating my emotions often left me with a suffocating pang in my chest. Frequently, I couldn’t bear the uncertainty and found myself skipping straight to the end of these, seeking refuge from the unknown.

However, this constant vigilance came at a cost. I found myself perpetually consumed by worry, trapped in a cycle of overthinking. Moments of peace were rare and fleeting, easily overshadowed by the intrusion of a single panic-inducing thought.

Back then, I thought that pushing forward regardless was the best thing to do. I tried taking my parents’ advice to heart, trusting that it was all in my head—that it was not as much of a big deal as I made it out to be.

Then, I would find myself struggling to breathe. 

Sometimes, the worry felt like it was working its way up my lungs and wrapping a hand around my throat, restricting my airways. A sensation was always reminding me: I am here; I control you.

I thought that through my perseverance and determination, the clamor of my success and achievements would overpower the nagging voices of doubt and the prickly feeling of worry. However, concentration quickly became a luxury when my thoughts became too loud to drown out, robbing me of nights of sleep.

Distinguishing between the currents of reality and the fabrications woven by my mind became increasingly challenging. I found myself growing more empathetic than ever, attuned to both the thoughts of strangers and grievances of friends before they even voiced them. I began to fear social settings and the idea of putting myself on display for people to judge. Intentionally, I began to shrink myself, in hopes of lessening social interactions as a means of self-preservation. The mere thought of getting out of bed each day to confront the world grew increasingly overwhelming, leaving me yearning for nothing more than to turn invisible.

Thankfully, I have been blessed with friends and family who are incredibly supportive and are consistently there to anchor me back to reality whenever my thoughts spiral out of control. They are the ones who swiftly reassure me when I am prone to jumping to conclusions. Their words and gestures of kindness serve as tangible reminders that they are genuine, not mere figments of my imagination.

It feels right to say that with the right support, I have been able to keep these anxieties in check. Of course, there are still difficult days when it feels like I am all but ready to crawl out of my skin. Still, I am grateful that during those moments, I have all that I need to ground myself once more and embrace life’s uncertainties.

Eloiza is a Communication student expecting to graduate in 2025. With her passion for storytelling, she aspires to use her skills and knowledge to immerse herself in truthful journalism, amplifying the voices and narratives of the marginalized. 

Editor’s Note: The views and opinions expressed by the opinion writer do not necessarily state or reflect those of the publication.