INTENTIONAL SELF-CARE is more difficult than it seems. It is more than the glamorized idea that the media portrays it to be. In essence, to care for oneself is to choose oneself, but no one really ever talks about how difficult it is to do that.
I used to think that self-care was just a reward we had to earn, a luxury of those who had the time and resources. Self-care is a tedious and sometimes difficult process of setting boundaries and ensuring that you don’t overextend yourself, while simultaneously making conscious efforts to better your wellbeing.
Recently, I came across an article about a reinterpretation of the myth of Sisyphus, the king who was punished for cheating death twice. Every single day for eternity, he had to push a boulder up a slope only for it to roll down that hill.
It discussed The Myth of Sisyphus, a book by Albert Camus who saw the myth’s namesake as an unstoppable force. He imagined Sisyphus to be smiling as he pushed the boulder, and I find his reinterpretation to be unique. He used the story as an allegory towards our constant struggle in seeking the meaning and value of life. Instead of seeing Sisyphus’ struggle as a chore, Camus wanted to see his struggle as something to accept and rejoice in. He wanted to point out that we should start accepting our experiences, whether they were struggles or achievements, with joy and intent.
We are all Sisyphus in a way. Though not as evil, we all have our struggles and hardships, and the weight of the boulder represents our daily struggles. These may be minor tasks—mustering up the strength to get out of bed or conversely, our inability to go to sleep.
There are moments when it feels as though we’ve been pushing a huge boulder up a hill. Getting out of bed, showering, eating healthy, setting boundaries—these all seem easy on paper, but at times, it feels like Sisyphus’ giant boulder.
The act of self-care that I struggled with most was setting boundaries, especially since a toxic “relationship” I had last year. Throughout the relationship, I always felt anxious and doubtful, and most times it felt one-sided. Being the typical people pleaser that I am, I stayed. It was hard for me to realize that I should give time to myself. However, after he ended things, I slowly realized that there are more important things in life than a fling. It made me understand my self-worth.
Although difficult at first, I started to learn how to set boundaries. This is something that I am still getting the hang of because at times it feels like a never-ending cycle. I realized that this kind of self-care involves going through the hassle of setting time for yourself and it involves mustering a lot of physical, emotional, and mental will to do so. Setting time for myself and what I love doing made me see that being intentional with the actions that you do for yourself isn’t easy but is vital to place value in oneself.
As Camus imagines Sisyphus’ smiling as he pushes the boulder up the hill, I would like to believe that he was pushing the boulder because he got to see the sky before it falls over the other side of the hill. Much like intentional self-care, pushing our metaphorical boulder is something that we have to do day in and day out just so we can continuously see the sky.
