WE ARE living in strange times, with people trying to maintain their usual lives but confined in their own homes. With the Philippines’ lockdown continuously extended, this quarantine has changed how people interact in day-to-day life. Now, we keep six feet apart and see each other through a digital screen—no more chance encounters with strangers, and definitely none of those habitual greeting hugs.
Aside from heading out for necessities, choosing to go out is now taken with caution, but where does the face-to-face time spent with loved ones fit in the spectrum of “quarantine essentials”?
Distant lovers
In the multitude of ways one can show love, many would consider quality time to be important in a relationship. It keeps people updated with each other’s lives and it assures their partner of the relationship’s value. With that said, it’s no wonder many couples make time to be with one another despite busy schedules—being together and learning about each other’s day become custom to the relationship. Today, however, those instances of normalcy feel ethereal.
For Lorenzo Fallarcuna (3 BS AMF), the ways he would normally spend time with his girlfriend aren’t possible during quarantine. Things that felt routine—study dates, escorting her back home, taking the train together, or enjoying dinner with her family—all seem like moments from a distant past.
“Iba pa rin yung feeling na may physical presence (Physical presence still feels different). You get to talk. You get to see her entirely: You get to see her smile, her eyes, her face, anytime you wanted,” Fallarcuna emphasizes.
While quality time continues to be sought out for, its form has changed. Study dates in Katipunan cafes became video calls and movie nights became Netflix parties. Things are not the same, but the commitment to engage in activities together as a couple is vital. For example, Fallarcuna and his girlfriend would plan out weekly devotions together, which allowed for helpful heart-to-heart conversations.
Another Atenean couple, University Dorm residents Maeca Pansensoy (3 BS MGT-H) and Matthew Du (3 BS ME) returned to their respective homes outside of Metro Manila as the school year shifted online. “We both feel sad [about not being able to meet], and we sometimes complain [that staying at home] feels like an unnecessary sacrifice because we see everyone else going out,” Pansensoy says. As dormers, they were “used to spending every waking moment together,” to the point that something doesn’t feel right when they’re apart.
It is not just the yearning for the other’s presence that can be unbearable—distance can also leave one worried for the emotional well-being of their significant other. Fallarcuna says distancing leaves him less options to care for his girlfriend. “I’m just sad and scared, [because with] physical [affection], it’s easy to show your efforts to someone by giving her time, holding her hand,” Fallarcuna laments. “Nakakatakot lang na (It’s scary) she might feel unattended.”
While technology has provided ways for people to stay connected, questions of “until when” remain. Connected online but disconnected from each other’s realities, lovers are left desiring for a fateful reunion more than ever.
Keeping touch
At a time of crisis, yearning for the physical norm is far from strange. Cherie Alfiler, a sociology professor at Ateneo de Manila emphasizes that we are “embedded in the social settings.” When collective habitual experiences done in close contact are abruptly taken away, it is only natural to react in sadness, frustration, or forfeit.
This phenomenon extends to relationships beyond romance. Alfiler explains that for the youth, the yearning for outside contact is more than an impulse to loiter. As a result of the quarantine, their support groups became immediately absent as schools closed down. “It’s not just their romantic partners, but [they also] no longer see their friends. And it contributes to the feeling of loss,” she adds. This sheds light on why the absence of closure before the isolation has led to greater unease.
Liezl Rillera-Astudillo, a Psychology professor from De La Salle University reinforces that proximity has always been a crucial aspect to developing deeper connections. “In communication, nonverbal messages and touch seem to strengthen the message conveyed. [It] also builds on supportive and cooperative relationships,” she furthers.
Fortunately, with online platforms that seamlessly connect us with our peers, feelings of disconnect and remoteness are relieved for the moment. In fact, Pansensoy and Du have made the online experience a medium to grow closer than ever. “If I have online tournaments, he would watch over Zoom. In turn, I would also play games with him and his friends…we try to involve each other with what we do,” Pansensoy reveals.
Similarly, Fallarcuna makes sure to preserve much of his shared habits with his girlfriend from before the quarantine as a form of keeping touch. This may be through online devotions and prayers together, or baking and sending brownies to each other. Even moments of compromise in schedules are welcome to the couple, as what matters most is that the other would never feel untended. “She’d be available online when I need her and I’ll be available anytime she needs me,” Fallarcuna mentions.
If there is anything to learn from the eventful seven months of social isolation, Alfiler says that “it would be the value of communication.” Near or far, virtual or physical, we are at the disposal of the changing and volatile world. Therefore, she emphasizes human creativity amid demotivating times; we find means to compensate and adapt through love felt and given online. She remarks, “Although there’s no real substitute to physical touch, it is the safest at the moment,” and for now, this will do.
Warmth in the uncertain
Today’s reality is distant from what used to be normal and routine. Days are taken with a tenfold of precaution and nights may be restless from qualms of the future. It is challenging for every person, but still, we continue to persevere in spite of.
With a firm grasp of a hopeful future, Pansensoy and Du move forward regardless of mishaps and bad days in the relationship. Revealing how they breezed through half a year apart, Pansensoy and Du both express that the anticipation to see and be with each other again rids them of unnecessarily prolonging their couple quarrels.
In efforts to be on the same page with each other, Fallarcuna and his girlfriend have a concept of love in seasons, where he suggests that relationships pass through “predictable patterns of interaction: Spring, summer, fall, and winter.” He says that they are currently in winter as days may seem slow and monotonous, but it is precisely in these moments that they can lean on each other for comfort.
Even when voices are now heard from speakers and smiles are exchanged through monitors, there is still comfort in knowing this time shall pass. “We both know this situation is very uncertain and it’s not under our control,” Fallarcuna adds.
The yearning for close-contact with each other is one that humanity can hold onto, as it fuels collective hope for the better days yet to come. Until the time when street pavements, classrooms, and park benches are warm and filled once more, patience enveloped within homes shall suffice for now. When the day finally arrives, certainly, life and hugs would never be taken for granted again.
