Throughout my stay here in the Ateneo, I’ve slowly come to realize that I frequently ask one question: Why can’t I have that?

When I got into Ateneo, I remember reeling back in surprise right before I started crying. To think that someone like me, who wasn’t even close to joining her high school’s honor roll, got into a university like Ateneo was something I thought could never happen. But then, I was hit by reality.

My parents sat me down and told me how much the tuition fee was in Ateneo. As it stood, they said that we may not be able to afford it. I didn’t know what to do. I applied to Ateneo with the mentality that I wouldn’t get in. I never expected to pass the entrance exam. I didn’t think that far.

My dad eventually decided that I should just go to Ateneo. He said that even though the tuition fee for other universities was considerably less, they were farther from our house in San Mateo, which would mean that I would have to spend more money and time on commuting.

When I was a freshman, aside from trying my best to adjust to, and enjoy the college experience, I attempted to be as frugal as possible. I would bring packed lunch, and I would frequently reject lunch or dinner invitations because I was trying to save money for my books and school supplies.

Then come second year. I was able to come out of my shell a little bit more and I finally befriended a lot of people outside my block. I also finally said yes to the invitations I would’ve declined before. For every planned lunch or dinner hangouts with my friends, I’d mark the date and purposely set aside money for it so that I could join my friends.

I’m in third year now, and I’ve managed to get a few internships and side jobs just so that I could splurge on myself a little bit more and stop asking my parents for money when the amount I saved up wasn’t enough for things that I needed.

Studying in the Ateneo means that you’re constantly surrounded by people who can afford MacBooks and iPhones, and the fact that they have the ability to buy Apple products is already a statement of their wealth all in itself.  And for someone who entered Ateneo with a small Android phone not bigger than the size of her palm and a Windows laptop, I started questioning why I didn’t have the things my friends have.

In the side jobs and internships that paid me for the work I’ve done, it was there that I realized that whining wouldn’t do me any good. Questioning why I couldn’t go on trips abroad, or buy branded bags and shoes is a waste of time and energy. Instead, I learned that having a goal to work towards to was the best force that could motivate me to work or move.

I have to admit, that sometimes, I still feel frustrated and jealous whenever my friends share their adventures abroad, or when I see them with new and branded shoes or clothes. But the only peace of mind I can give myself is that this is what drives me forward—for me to be able to earn myself a better life.