When you’re but one head among a sea of millions, and your legs have begun to ache yet you know the promise of rest will not come until several hours later, you can’t help but think. And in the middle of the horde that will see Pope Francis celebrate his concluding Mass in Luneta Park, I thought that there remains to be a ton of reasons to stop believing in the Church and in God. Quite the irony.
Undeniably, the Roman Catholic Church is an institution that has stood the test of time, but it is one mired by one controversy after another. History tells us that thousands of Christians, not just Catholics, have been tortured and killed for their faith. However, massacres have been committed in the name of our own God as well, with people of my religion participating in sacred warfare like the Crusades of the 11th to 13th centuries.
The modern-day Catholic is not a stranger to such controversy. Everyday, we are faced with stories of lavish spending in churches and sexual scandals even at the heart of the Vatican, committed by the very men who are supposed to preach the Word.
There is also the case of the unjust, useless suffering of people, especially that of the innocents. Thousands of children in war-stricken countries die on a daily basis while world leaders fight their game of dirty politics behind the safety of their high walls and electric gates. And all the while, we are expected to maintain the conviction that the Kingdom of God will truly arrive. It’s quite absurd.
Back in Luneta, the shoving and pushing stopped when we finally realized that the Holy Rosary was being prayed over the loudspeakers. Suddenly, we were calm, solemn, reassured by the silence and our murmuring of the prayers.
In those short minutes, I found peace. I looked around and I saw individuals who were as tired and frustrated as me, not just with the crowd, but perhaps with our religion in general too, with many of them grappling with the same questions as I was. And yet most of us—if not all—still somehow found comfort in our memorized prayers, found peace in that sea of chaos and unanswered questions.
This is why I don’t think that believing in the Catholic faith is an absurdity.
To believe is to ultimately go on a solitary journey, where one is led to face the reality that despite the promises of a particular religion, there will be things that it cannot truly explain to us. (Remember that little girl’s question to Pope Francis?) The way we see the world and the role our faith plays in it cannot be homogeneous to all, for we each have unique experiences and circumstances.
In a way, to have faith is like trusting that the anchor will keep the ship in place somehow despite the uncertainties of the depths of the ocean. We are then to make the conscious decision of either letting this realization isolate us and let us fall into despair, or let this reality lead us to hope.
The hours I spent in Luneta showed me that truly believing in God is not about demanding precise answers from Him; rather, it’s about letting those unanswered questions become ways for us to keep moving forward, at a constant search for answers, never grasping, simply understanding.
Let the mystery challenge you and compel you to move. That’s not blind faith; that’s genuine faith.
