#SoManyFeelings
sgarcia@theguidon.com

Coming from an exclusive school where we celebrate everything—from the days of obligation to the school’s successes—through the Eucharist, I found that I have developed a personal appreciation for that sacred time. I realize that a huge part of this happiness in partaking in it is because of how I enjoy the fact that it is spent with those who, I presume, have the same regard for prayer and its communality as I do.

However, I’ve attended too many celebrations of Mass wherein there would be some who would stay on their phones the entire time and cannot even afford to put it on silent mode, or parents who would bring their children despite being unable to spare the time to keep them in check. I have also heard people excuse themselves from attending special masses held at the Gesù during some holy days because they would rather work on their academic requirements.

Being unable to spare Him that one hour when we have already devoted our other hundred sixty or so in a week to pursuing other things remains something I am not able to understand.

These specific instances leave me wondering about why people continue to attend Mass. Are they still going because they truly believe in its significance or is it just a charade to show that they are still “practicing Catholics?” With the way these things take place, though, I’m inclined to believe the latter.

Seeing these opportunities to enrich our faith wasted under the excuse of “I could be doing something else” way too often breaks me. Despite wanting to share my immense appreciation for the practice and what it signifies, I am held back by the understanding that not everyone sees it as still relevant or helpful in keeping their faith, if at all.

Perhaps this could usher in a discussion that would make room for a deeper understanding of why we have our religion and why some continue to believe and others do not.

I understand how there is an increased struggle now to continue believing, though. With the way our Church has been presenting itself in the discourse of state matters—and I would already disclaim myself and say that I am not a fan of many of its decisions—it’s hard to stay and say how proud we are of the institution and being part of it.

I have seen a lot of people cite this as their main reason for having reservations about remaining in the religion, and I have absolutely no qualms with that. But it’s objectionable how others just resort to blindly calling out the Church for its wrongs in order to discourage it from carrying out its work.

Personally, what makes me stay is the realization that God is made present in my life through the Church. I liken it to my relationship with my parents. I may not always agree with what they think is best for me, but I know that what they will for me is never born out of ill intent. With their guidance, I am made to think for myself, to do the right because it is right. I find comfort and pleasure in the knowledge that even with the simple act of prayer and properly attending mass, someone is content. It’s not like we still believe in the God of the Old Testament. He has already been too giving, too loving and it wouldn’t even take much for us to return even a small part of that grace.

In the end, faith is a personal choice that is left for us to make. However, I feel that our being a Catholic community is integral to actualizing that. I just hope people cared more, because He can never really grant us His grace if we never open ourselves to receive it.