MY WORLD is one of color, of variety, of magic. One of patterns, of fabrics, of dyes. And yes, you read it right – it’s my world, where I am king, ruler, and judge. Everyone else merely lives to be weighed and measured by my trained eyes and keen taste. I can dissect whatever you’re wearing and tell you, in no uncertain terms, whether it’s fit for the Fall collection, or it’s just a Fail Collection.

What makes me more qualified than you, you ask? Why does my opinion matter more than yours, or anyone else’s, for that matter? Well, child, if you have to ask, then obviously you understand nothing. This is my world… this is my space. This is my blog. The real way real men look at fashion.

First Outfit

We start our journey into the mysterious world of fashion and style by looking at our first picture, a photo of… wait. What the… is that a woman wearing a suit?

My goodness, I do believe so. I must say, readers, that this is something that strikes me as… strange. Even my experienced eyes must recognize the uniqueness and peculiarity of this particular ensemble. The model seems to be slightly confused as to the look she’s going for.

We notice the fabric of her suit. It looks old, staid… almost fossilized. It seems as if the entire front of the suit was carved from ancient rock, hanging stiffly from her slight frame. Now to your own eyes, it may seem like it’s merely the light, or the fabric, or whatever…

And that’s why you’re reading instead of writing these insights into the world of sartorial splendor. It’s obvious to me that this whole thing is a statement, one that transcends mere cloth and stitching.

Even though it’s difficult, try to follow, okay? Note the woman’s pose – it’s not one with much poise. Indeed it seems she’s being weighted down by what she’s wearing – this, readers, is what we call a metaphor. The woman is obviously saying something about the world of man – symbolized by the suit she’s wearing – weighing her down and limiting her. Her goofy expression, however, tells us that this doesn’t defeat her at all. (However, we must consider that she’s not wearing the suit properly. Undershirt sleeves poking out? No tie? Ew. Overall, I give her a thumbs up for the idea, and two thumbs down for the execution.)

Second outfit

Now this second example, ah, it’s much simpler.

What we observe is a man leaning against a nondescript wall in a nondescript street. He’s wearing what seems to be a jacket fashioned out of an old Native American quilt. It’s layered over another jacket, denim this time, which is put over a woolen sweater.

I would imagine that your neophyte eyes are drawn to the quilt-like jacket he’s wearing. You’d examine its patterns and material, its colors and design. And again, readers, you prove your own inexperience and ineptitude when it comes to fashion. vWhat jumps out at me from this picture is what this guy is holding – a cup, ostensibly filled with coffee. We look at this cup and take it in the whole context this man is presenting to us. He’s wearing dark shades. He’s slumped against a wall on the street. His posture is sad and defeated.

Obviously, this man is supposed to be a beggar, and again he’s trying to make a statement. And I admit, readers, even I am confused as to what he wants to tell us. Is he trying to say that Native Americans are poor? Is he trying to say that he spent all his money on that jacket? Is he an actual beggar and is trying to get us to give him money? I give this guy full marks for making me think. I hope I don’t actually have to give him any cash, though.

How I work

Now understandably, you guys must be wondering how I’m so good at what I do. How I can see a picture and tell you exactly what it means. How I can take clothes people are wearing and tell you exactly what they want to say. Since I’m feeling generous right now, I’ll give you guys a tip. I can see beyond the clothes because I refuse to believe that it’s just about the clothes. What do I mean by this?

What I mean is that I refuse to believe that millions of people take photos of themselves and leave themselves out in favor of what they’re wearing. I refuse to believe that millions of people would throw themselves into obsolescence in favor of the fabrics and patterns they’re wearing.  My mind is too sophisticated to stop at saying “oh look at the pretty colors.” I want to see the person wearing the clothes, and see his or her story, and what he or she is trying to say.

If I were to reduce all evaluation of these pictures into terms like “pretty and neat” or “it doesn’t look good,” then there’d be nothing to talk about, no need for me to tell you anything.

This blog is supposed to be a look into fashion – and for me, I think, no, I believe that fashion is supposed to be more than the pieces of cloth hanging from our bodies.

I’d like to believe that millions of people devour fashion blogs just like this for deeper reasons than those.

In any case, for next week’s blog post, I’m taking submissions – please send me pictures of you in your best formal wear. Commentary, insight, and more coming up next week, on my blog, where it’s not just the clothes.

Ciao!