He is poring over schoolwork on a Monday night as the baby signals for a diaper change. Seeing that his partner cannot attend to their son as she is taking care of bills, he stands up and puts off what he is doing.
“I am forced to divert my [attention] to attend to [that],” says 23-year-old father Ante Ileto (I BS LM) in a mix of English and Filipino. “[Having a baby is] hard but I’m still experimenting [on a right way to go about the situation.]” Aside from being a student athlete—he is a Blue Judoka—Ante is unlike majority of his peers in the Ateneo. He is also a fiancé and a father outside of school.
When it comes to unplanned pregnancies and cohabitation among Filipino youth, the Ateneo community is no exception.
Back to school for baby
In 2002, 38% of the youth were in a live-in arrangement. This is according to the Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study conducted by the UP Population Institute and the Demographic Research and Development Foundation.
Ante and his partner of about three years are one such case. Eight months following the boyfriend-girlfriend stage, the couple decided to move in together. “She was working then and I was also working. It was a decision [made by] two independent people,” Ante says. “It is very exciting to live with someone you love. At the same time, [there are] a lot of trials.”
Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM) Program Director Fr. Ted Gonzales, SJ says that nowadays, it takes more to prepare young people for family life. He says, “[Before, couples get married early.] But the maturity level, the ethics, and the values [were] more in place [then].” Given the rise of new challenges like absentee parents who migrate or parents who are compelled to have double jobs, he says parenting becomes more challenging and more complex.
In Ante’s case, he and his partner have been coping with daily expenses through earnings from a family business of medical supplies. They also get financial help from their parents. Prior to college, Ante took on different jobs—fast food service crew, janitor for a government agency, and bartender—to save up.
Now, it has been a few months since his partner gave birth to a baby boy. Ante says he was initially hesitant to raise a child because of financial constraints. His partner’s pregnancy was unplanned. “When [my partner] got pregnant, that’s when I reviewed [for the ACET],” says Ante in Filipino. “If I stop school, I won’t get a job. That’s what I realized.”
Ante does not mind that some of his peers do not fully understand his being a father. While some always ask questions, he says some of them accept his situation. “I think it’s hard for them to understand [my situation] when they have not experienced it themselves,” Ante says. “I’m not saying they’re simple-minded or I’m more intelligent. It’s just that maybe they haven’t had the chance to experience it.”
Adjustments and financial troubles
One out of four women become mothers by age 19, according to “Teenage Pregnancy,” an article from a 2005 issue of Women’s Home Companion. Haley* got pregnant when she was 19. Now 21, the Atenean junior is a mother to a one year-old boy.
With child at a young age, dealing with pregnancy had been difficult for her. Haley says of her initial reaction to her pregnancy, “I was crying hysterically in the hospital, saying ‘Oh my God! Oh my God! No, this can’t happen! What am I going to do?’”
The pregnancy came unexpected to Haley and her boyfriend of almost five years. Similar to her reaction to the pregnancy, she says her mother and her boyfriend had a tough time dealing with it. “[My mom] kept her anger to herself [because] she knew it would be bad for my condition to get stressed. I really appreciate her for that,” she says.
Her boyfriend cried upon learning about the pregnancy. Haley claims, however, that he assured her that he was going to stick it out with her. The couple plans to get married as soon as they become financially stable. As of the moment, Haley and her son live with her parents.
During her pregnancy, Haley had to postpone schooling for three semesters under a leave of absence. “I was hospitalized because I had complications with my kidney,” she says. “I decided to [file for a leave of absence] as [long] as a year so I can have time to take care of my son while he was still too young.”
About a year after giving birth, Haley went back to school. Now with a son to raise, she had to make a few adjustments. She moved out of her condo unit in Katipunan Avenue. She says she did not want her son to live with Quezon City air. She also had to shift to a different undergraduate degree program, one with a lighter load.
Shift in priorities
“If [one is] a student, [he] really [has] to balance [his] time,” says Guidance Counselor Jovie Valle, who has dealt with a few students of this nature. “Mahahati pa lalo ‘yong time for studies (The time for studies might be divided). So, [this type of lifestyle] is very demanding.”
Given that Ante and Haley have their own families to attend to, their priorities have changed. Haley says she does not go out anymore except for valid occasions. “No more late night inumans (drinking sessions) and poker nights that end in the morning,” she says.
Ante shares this sentiment. “When my partner found out she was pregnant, I was glad she stopped drinking and going on gimmicks. We were anxious [for the baby’s health],” he says.
In a crossroad where they have to sacrifice one over the other—son or schooling—Haley says her son comes first. “I [just] make up for what I miss in school,” she says. Ante agrees. “I get my energy for school from my family,” he says. “I can’t just [abandon them and say], ‘No, I still have Math!’”
A personal choice
Cohabitation and having kids at an early age is part of Philippine society, says Valle. “It is a personal choice but it is also a personal accountability,” she says. “[One] cannot blame anyone else but [himself] if something like that happens.”
According to Gonzales, raising children at a young age can be quite a challenge. He says, “[One might still] want to go out with friends, to belong to a barkada (social clique). [His] identity is not yet in place.” With this, Gonzales asks, is the individual mature and prepared enough to have children of his own?
Ante and Haley say that they are able to embrace their responsibilities. They think positively of raising children albeit being young parents and the sacrifices that entails. They say they would not choose to live their lives differently.
“Life will always find a chance to hit you hard on the head,” says Haley. “For a time it may seem like life is a cruel thing, but in a second you take it all back. There [are] just too many things to be thankful for that all the bad things in life just can’t beat.”
*Name has been changed to protect the individual.
